3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
