He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize