Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize