using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
