his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
