No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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