I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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