you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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