she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
