You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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