I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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