Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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