Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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