My liver just broke up with me...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
