new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
