i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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