my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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