My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
