Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
