mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
