If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
