Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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