Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
