Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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