whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
