Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
