Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
