So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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