so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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