and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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