it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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