There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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