at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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