Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
