Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
