Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
