I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
