yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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