I CAN MOONWALK!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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