Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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