I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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