come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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