And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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