I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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