If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
