if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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