ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
