That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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