next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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