mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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