So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
