There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
