Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
