my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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