As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
