Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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