woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
