Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
