Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
