it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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