Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
