Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
