I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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