i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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