HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Randomize
