A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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