my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Im part way to drunk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
