sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
