so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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