**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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