it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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