i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
