She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
