There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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